


I Can Hear The Sound (of breaking down).

by JamesIsTrying



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Author is Not Very Good™, Bittersweet Ending, Child Abandonment, I'm Bad At Summaries, It's P Bad For Everybody Involved, Jake-Cenric, Panic Attacks, Tags Are Hard, Tags May Change, There is a huge lack of jake-centric things in this goshdang FANDOM, Underage Drinking, author tried his best, but Author is Trying Anyway, his parents really just LEFT him, hoo boy, like really bad, okay now the real tags i guess, what a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 10:40:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24349645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamesIsTrying/pseuds/JamesIsTrying
Summary: Jake's parents leave him alone. Jake does not know how to cope.
Relationships: Jake Dillinger & Rich Goranski, Jake Dillinger/Rich Goranski, you can read it as platonic or romantic; it does not matter
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32





	I Can Hear The Sound (of breaking down).

**Author's Note:**

> i believe there are NOT ENOUGH jake-centric works in this fandom!! what an underappreciated character!! i am indignant on all levels!!! so this is my tiny little contribution to that!!!!!

Everyone has a recurring emotion in their life. You know, the emotion that you feel more than anything else, with no real reason. You see the people who always just seem to be annoyed with everyone, the people who always seem to be tired, the people who always seem to be very cheerful and ready to take on the world,

Jake's recurring emotion was confusion.

It wasn't a bad thing, it was simply a fact. He was confused, for example, as to why he had developed a huge crush on a girl after seeing her perform once in the shitty school play last year. He was confused in math class. He was confused when looking at giant, long, winding lists. And he was confused now, standing in his living room, trembling hands holding a wrinkled note.

' _We're sorry_ ,' it said. ' _We love you_ ,' it said.

Bullshit.

Jake was barely aware of the fact that he was reaching into his back pocket for his phone until he was already calling Rich. Why was he calling Rich?

Rich wouldn't care. Rich never seemed to care about anything important.

But Rich picked up. It was too late for second-guesses. 

"Hello?" Rich's voice was quiet, like he was trying to make as little noise as possible.

Jake took in a shaky breath. "Hey!" He stopped when his voice almost broke, and cleared his throat. "Hey, do you wanna come over and... get drunk?" He realized how stupid he sounded and cringed, but there was no going back. 

"I don't know, I'm kind of-" Rich's voice suddenly cut out.

"Rich?"

"Yeah, I'll come over. Gimme fifteen."

"Cool." Jake had barely whispered the word before hanging up. He stuffed the note into his back pocket, and turned around to face the wreckage of the living room.

' _Sorry about the mess_ ,' the note had said, ' _we had to get them off our trail_.'

Why would making a huge mess get the police away anyway? What was that accomplishing?

Jake took in a slow, shaky breath. Rich was coming in 15 minutes, he could at least tidy up as much as he could.

The next 15 minutes were silent as Jake quickly tried his best to fix up the room. He cleaned up the several chunks of glass from various broken cups that littered the floor, shoved books onto the bookshelves, propped up the coffee table that had been flipped onto its side, et cetera, et cetera, until he looked at the clock and saw that it'd been 16 minutes since he'd started. Looking around the room, Jake was satisfied to see that most of the wreckage had been effectively cleared away, leaving the room looking slightly cluttered at most. He grabbed the note that his parents had left from his pocket and scanned over it one more time. No way to communicate with them, no real explanation or goodbye, just a half-assed apology on a slightly crumpled sheet of notebook paper.

Jake was about to go to the kitchen, get some water before deciding what to do next, when he heard the front door open, then Rich's voice. "Yo, Jake, I'm here! And I brought..." a pause. "Pretzels. Jake?"

Jake forced a smile onto his face and quickly shoved the note back into his back pocket, before walking out of the living room and to the front door, where Rich was still standing. "Hey! What's... What's up, bro?" He said, giving Rich a high-five and taking the bag of pretzels.

"Nothing much, dude," Rich looked at him, a little incredulously. "Are you.. okay?"

"Yeah!" Jake exclaimed, a bit too quickly. He concentrated fully on keeping his voice from breaking. "Yeah, I'm fine, why?"

"I dunno, you just seem stressed."

"Oh, I'm... I'm not," Jake said, trying to flash a smile that ultimately seemed more like a grimace.

"Alright, dude." Rich clicked his tongue and looked around. "Anyway, where we goin'?"

"My room? I've got some beers in the mini fridge, if you want."

"Sure, lead the way, man."

Jake felt awkward. He never felt awkward. But right now, he felt _awkward_. He felt awkward as he walked up the stairs, Rich a few steps behind him. He felt awkward as he arrived in his room and tossed the bag of pretzels onto his bed. He felt awkward as he opened his mini fridge, grabbed two beers, and tossed one to Rich, who immediately opened it and chugged it without hesitation as he sat in the beanbag chair near Jake's bed.

Rich looked at Jake. "So what's up?"

"Hm? Nothing's up, I'm good, we're good," Jake said with a smile that lingered a bit too long.

"Ooo _kay_ ," Rich said, looking down at his hands.

"Yeah, uh, everything is fine."

"I know, I never said it wasn't..." Rich frowned and looked back up at Jake. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"I just..." He trailed off. "Whatever, anyway, _bro_ , the most _insane thing_ happened yesterday."

Rich was speaking, telling Jake about whatever it was he thought was so crazy, but Jake found the words blending together as he sat on his bed and cracked open his beer. He heard Rich's tone get a bit more intense at what he assumed was the climax of the story, but he couldn't make himself listen. His head felt tight, like someone was squeezing it, or his brain was trying to suck in his skull from all directions.

Jake didn't notice how tightly he was squeezing the can until it crumpled slightly, spilling a bit of beer over his hand and onto his lap. " _Shit_!"

Rich stopped mid-sentence, staring at Jake with genuine concern in his eyes. " _Dude_! Were you even- are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, Rich!" Jake snapped, standing and setting the can on his nightstand. "I just- I just need to go to the bathroom, I'll... I'll be right back."

Then he was walking out of his bedroom, leaving Rich alone with a highly confused expression.

As soon as Jake got into the bathroom, he shut the door and locked it. Immediately he turned on the cold water from the sink, and wasted no time to splash the water on his face three times. He looked at his reflection in the mirror, nose three inches away from touching the glass, and took a breath. Just _chill_. He was so incredibly _un-chill_ right now, all he had to do was _calm down_. Just _calm down_. It wasn't even a big deal, _he'd be fine_.

Jake found himself glaring at his reflection.

Everything would be fine.

Just _chill_.

When Jake walked back into his bedroom, the first thing that he noticed was that Rich had moved onto his bed. The second thing he noticed was that Rich wasn't looking at him, didn't even notice he'd walked in. The third thing was the paper Rich was reading from, which appeared to be a slightly crumpled.. piece of paper... _from a notebook_.

And it hit him like a train.

 _So much for chilling_.

" _Rich_!" Jake exclaimed, a lot louder than he meant to. Rich nearly jumped out of his skin, his head snapping up to look at Jake with the ultimate deer-in-the-headlights expression.

"That's not... that's not your _fucking business_!" Jake snatched the paper from Rich's hands, shoved it deep in his pocket again.

"Jake, I-"

"No!"

"Jake, it just fell out of-"

"I don't care! I don't- don't give a _fuck_ , I never said you could read that, I.. I..." Jake felt like he couldn't breathe. He knew he shouldn't be yelling at Rich, he knew he couldn't blame Rich for being curious. But logic wasn't getting through to his brain, and as he stared at Rich the reality of the situation crashed down on top of his head. He hadn't let it sink in before, but now Rich knew, and there was nothing he could do about it. What was he planning to do in the first place? Did he ever have a grasp on the situation, did he ever even have an ounce of any kind of solution?

"I'm sorry." Rich's soft voice seemed to cut through the silence that had fallen on the room.

"Get- get out." Jake's voice was shaking, and his face was wet with tears he hadn't noticed coming out.

"Jake-"

"Please. Leave, I don't... I don't want you here."

"Jake."

"Rich!" Jake snapped back. "Just go. I don't want you here, I want you gone, just leave!" Jake's knees seemed to slowly give in, and he found himself sliding toward the floor like a kid in a teenage drama.

He felt himself shaking, and forced himself to stop. Stop, don't be dramatic. It wasn't entirely his fault that he felt like he was going to explode, but he didn't need to push the situation farther.

He didn't hear Rich move.

" _Go_!"  
  
  


.  
.

Jake felt a pair of arms wrap around him. Pulling him into a fairly awkwardly-positioned.. _hug_.

His first instinct was to shove Rich away, to scream ' _What the fuck are you doing?!_ '. But after a second, when the grip tightened slightly, he paused. His breath caught as he felt the anger seep out of him, and just as quickly as it had gone, it was replaced with an overwhelming feeling of... _nothing_.

He drew in a shaky breath, and it expelled almost immediately.

Jake pushed back with his hands and looked at Rich's face, which was full of a million different emotions at once- guilt, sorrow, and _understanding_. Before thinking about it, he had shifted and a-bit-too-roughly pulled Rich back into the hug, which Rich, after shaking off his surprise, quickly reciprocated. It was odd how Rich's chin seemed to perfectly fit in the crook of Jake's neck.

Jake was vaguely aware of the tears pouring down his face, definitely soaking the front of Rich's shirt, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

 _Shit_.

"Jake?"

Jake snapped back into his head, and remembered where he was. He pulled back from the hug, looked at Rich. "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry. I get it. I know, and we'll... figure it out, right?"

"We won't, Rich. I mean- what the fuck am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know, I... I don't know."

Rich looked at him with tangible sadness in his brown eyes, and Jake could see as they flickered, glancing at something behind him.

"Before, uh, before we... talk about it," Rich began, "Could I have another beer?"

Jake nodded, reached behind him to open his minifridge and grab one before handing it to him. And he was glad to. He felt bad for thinking it, but it was really an unspoken fact amongst their friend group:

_Rich was so much better when he had alcohol in his system._

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: i know we gotta respect boundaries, and i do not agree with what rich did (when he decided to comfort jake instead of leaving like jake told him to), and i am completely aware that you shouldn't hug or touch someone without permission ESPECIALLY if they're having a bit of a meltdown like jake was. it was just for the sake of the story. you know the vibes. 
> 
> thanks for reading! let me know if you want me to make a part two, i know this ended abruptly, but i had no. clue. how to continue it. 
> 
> leave a comment in general if you enjoyed! 
> 
> okay thanks bye love you


End file.
